I only know two things (written by Scott)

I told one of my good friends (Scott) and fellow lover of Auburn about my blog, and told him it'd be great if he wanted to post. He and I discuss the games weekly and I always enjoy what he has to say. He is a sharp, funny guy who knows a lot about Auburn and football in general. Actually, he knows a lot about just about everything, especially the show Doug or Rocko's Modern Life. Anyway, here is what he has to say:

I really only know two things. One is that Auburn went into the locker room against Florida, trailing by 6 points and allowing over 11 yards per play. Drives that with exception to the safety on a holding penalty produced a field goal, a passing touchdown, and a rushing touchdown netting 75, 70, and 80 yards respectively. Defensively Auburn was making big plays, but far more often, Auburn was giving up big plays. The intensity was there, but so were missed tackles, open receivers, and one very large quarterback running the ball into the end zone. While staying in their base package, Muschamp was often sending a linebacker (often Tray Blackmon) to the line of scrimmage for extra pass rushing, but this was leaving strong safety Eric Brock key player in the run support, and in the first half the keys just weren’t fitting. When switching to nickel formations nickel back Patrick Lee couldn’t keep up with a receiver who was open for what should have been a Gators touchdown if not for Blackmon making Leak a little too nervous in the pocket. Not long after it was a touchdown as a slightly under-thrown ball was snatched by Dallas Baker over Jonathon Wilhite who could have easily made the tip if he had only known where the ball was.

The second thing I know is that Auburn came out with the best defense it has played all season. Six Florida plays later and Tre Smith is somersaulting into the end zone. The only drive over 20 yards for Florida in the second half ended in a Chris Leak fumble.

After the game ESPN analyst Desmond Howard asked Karibi Dede what half-time adjustments were made? Howard didn’t believe Groves when he said their defensive game plan didn’t change. All Groves admitted was that Tuberville challenged the players. Tuberville said, “That’s the first time one of my half-time talks worked.” The defensive schemes seemed to be the same, but missed tackles turned into sacks and tackles for loss. Unaware coverage turned into interceptions. The X’s and O’s looked the same, but the players looked different.

While Tuberville later said that the effects of his speech were “overrated,” but the opinions of the players and the effects on field seem to contradict that. Eric Brock said, “Coach Tuberville was just brutally honest, I think we needed to hear that. As the head coach he realizes that. I appreciate Coach getting after us and telling us how he feels about our effort and our play. He challenged us and it worked for us there.”

In the past Tuberville has not been one to get mad. If you’ve never seen a coach really mad check out this clip of Dennis Green after his teams Monday Night Football collapse. Thankfully Tuberville will never go crazy like soon-to-lose-his-job Green, but I have always wanted to know what kind of locker room presence Coach Tubs has. All I know is that he challenged several players by name, called their manhood into question, and made some strange remarks described by on player: “One of the last things he said - it was along these lines - that if we were defending this country, we wouldn't stand a chance. We weren't being tough. As players, it's funny looking back but at the time, we were like: `Wow.' After that, the intensity was totally different.”

Because I will never know what Tuberville might have angrily said, I am forced to make it up myself. While I have no way of verifying this, I am merely thinking of what I’ve heard Tommy say before, what was situationally logical, and try to piece together what it must have been like.

After a minute of silence, Tommy Tuberville clears his throat and addresses his team, “Boys, I can’t address you as men because you are acing like a bunch of kids. My kids and I enjoy the fine taste of Bryan Meats. My wife enjoys Bryan Meats as well; you must also be acting like women. My family and I discovered Bryan Meats a long time ago, and still enjoy its delicious taste today!

“I’ve said many times how hard it is to make it through the SEC undefeated. Shoot that’s why we lost to Arkansas last week. If you don’t come out like a rolling ball of butcher knives, Florida could go undefeated and I’d look like an idiot. Just picture a rolling ball of butcher knives and what that must look like. I actually have no idea what that means, but I think it must look something like Kenny Irons running into the end zone just to get his hands on the bag of Golden Flake Potato Chips I was waving in his face. If only our defense could have that intensity. Groves, you don’t look like you’re running after a bag of Golden Flake!!! Coach Muschamp bring me a bag of Golden Flake … what’s that Will? Borges and Nall all ready ate them?

“Just think about these two words out there on the field. Don’t over-think the play; just remember these two words: Click-Clack! Click-Clack! Can you hear us coming Groves? Can you hear us coming Wilhite? Click-Clack! Can you hear us coming Johnson?

“Think about this: if you guys were defending this country we wouldn’t stand a chance. That may sound harsh, but if you, a group of college football players were left to defend this country my children would be lead off into captivity to never eat delicious Bryan Meats again! If you were in charge of defending this country we’d be in a precarious war thousands of miles away from America, fighting for an ambiguous cause with no foreseeable exit strategy. Oh wait.”

Then the lights would dim and the room would get kind of muggy. The players would all start to hit their pads rhythmically waiting for a riveting call and response cheer from their coach. “It’s us versus them,” the coach says confidently, as the players circle around him. “We must protect this house. WILL YOU PROTECT THIS HOUSE?”

“I will, I will”

“Under Armour!”

“Huh!”

“We must protect this house!”

The defensive squad filled with confidence runs out of the locker room onto the field. Only Coach Muschamp remains, looking scared. Tuberville puts his hand on Will’s back, looks into his eyes, and says quietly, “Click-Clack, I think they hear us coming.”