Auburn and its' women

A very beautiful someone recently suggested I write a piece on the simple fact that Auburn has the most beautiful women. I wondered if people who read a blog about Auburn sports would want to see this type of article. Then i also began pondering how what the artcile would entail. . . and i concluded that it was a worthy piece to write.

Fact. Auburn women are the most beautiful women in the world. This is especially true if you are an Auburn man yourself. I'm sure you could find a Kentucky, Ole Miss, or Vanderbilt student/alumni who argue that their respective schools house the world's finest selection of females. But being the biased Auburn lover that I am, I will give them credit for having good looking girls, but will never believe that any other schools are capable of allowing a man to sit on a picnic table on a spring afternoon and just watch the "scenery" go by and be in total amazement of its beauty like you can at Auburn. Auburn simply has a larger percentage of these girls than any other school.

Lee Corso said it best. "I love Auburn, Auburn has the most beautiful women in the world..." Although his prediction of the Auburn-Florida game was dead wrong, his statement about Auburn women was dead on. There is nothing better than a girl dressed in orange and blue with a game face tattoo on Saturday. I think it is safe to say it is every man's dream.

After careful consideration and thought I have ranked SEC schools by how beautiful the women there are. Note: little time was spent on numbers 2-12. The number 1 spot however has been determined after a lifetime of thought and research.

1. Auburn
2. Ole Miss
3. Vanderbilt
4. Kentucky
5. Florida
6. South Carolina
7. UGA
T8. Tennessee
T8. LSU
T8. Alabama
T8. Mississippi State
T8. Arkansas

I concede that all school have great looking girls. This list is pretty much a toss up after the 1st five. I basically just went on reputation.

This is why no one wants to coach at Bama

Paul Finebaum (the biggest, biased Bama lover there is) has effectively illustrated for all the world to see, the exact reason no one wants to coach at Bama. And that reason is the same problem that the Israelites had.....a golden calf, or should I say a golden Bear. That gold idol, which sits near the entrance to Jordan Hare - West Wing....is why my grandmother turned down the job at Tuscalooser. The Bama nation has too many lofty expectations for a coach and no patience to see them met. Finebaum wrote a story fabricating a converstaion with the dead Paul "Bear" Bryant. When will they realize how rediculous it is to expect to win a championship and beat all your rivals every year. In today's college football, everyone can play. Plus, remember that "any given saturday" saying? Just ask Mississippi St. They believe it, and you'd think after losing to them, Bama might realize it. The bottom line, is that Bama is too impatient, otherwise they might be moving forward. They should've given Shula more time, believe it or not, he had the program movong forward. If you're gonna hire a rookie HC, you have to provide him time to learn how to win, and Shula was doing it. Just not as fast as the sidewalk alumni wanted, so out the door he goes.

***this is awesome....check out this photo of Finebaum

Hey Bammers....here is a tip....the most important trait of winners is consistency. No, not playing consistently, but consistency in coaching. When you can keep a coach for longer than 4 years, you'll start seeing results. Just ask us Auburn fans. Mind you, we had our growing pains with Tuberville...see 2003. Many people wanted him gone, and I had my doubts too, but boy was I wrong. After Tubs' 5th season, that corner was turned. He has put this program as one of the elite in the nation and in position to win championships. He recruits as good as anyone, and now has high school players thinking Auburn. Consistency is key (Tubs is now 6-2 v Bama, and 5 straight). We've been through several coordinators, but the HC and the way the program is run remains constant, and that is a huge reason for any team's success. Want another example? Hoover. Enough said.

Why is Mal Moore Untouchable? (Scott)

I’m not sure why it is, but for whatever reason being an Auburn fan has me connected to Alabama football in some strange way. On the sporting landscape can not talk about Auburn for too long without Alabama being brought up. It’s like mentioning John Stockton in a sentence without Karl Malone, or discussing Wilt Chamberlain without mentioning Bill Russell. So, of course I have an opinion on the (insert word here) that is Alabama coaching.

I am not even sure what to call the Alabama coaching position. A carousel? A revolving door? Death row? A time bomb? The tide goes through coaches faster than Quentin Groves goes through their offensive line. I am beginning to think the guy in charge of hiring these guys needs to be looked at. The only list that dwarfs recent Alabama coaches is the list of coaches that have snubbed Alabama’s offers. Where does the confidence in Mal Moore come from? Sure he may have been a good positional coach in the seventies, but since becoming the director of athletics in 1999 what has really accomplished? Basketball has flourished under his reign, but remember that Mark Gottfried was hired the year before Moore’s promotion.

He has done a fantastic job of raising funds for renovating athletic facilities, and the expansion of Bryant-Denny turned out fantastic. However, Alabama keeps letting the guy handle the job that he has proven incapable of doing – they even named a building after the guy.

So far Alabama has mismanaged the coach-finding process pretty well. They offered Nick Saban too much money, and then did not offer Rich Rodriguez enough. Rodriguez ended up giving Bama just enough attention to get what he wanted out of West Virginia. Maybe Alabama should swallow their pride and go for a current coordinator rather than trying to find a current head coach. Every great coach was a coordinator at some point, and it won’t involve paying a huge buyout or an enormous salary. I just would not trust the guy who gave Mike Shula a big raise the year before Shula gets fired to him to find the right coach.

I have accepted that my fandom will always be affected buy Alabama football, but lately Mal Moore keeps tarnishing Auburn with his crappy efforts aside from screwing over the Crimson faithful.

(On a side note, once Shula was fired I put my money on Paul Johnson to be Alabama’s next football coach. I think he would bring the option back to Bama and force Auburn to learn to defend quarterbacks who run the ball. Let’s wait, watch, and see if I am as smart as I think I am.)

Christmas Cheer

Credit this to the guys at War Damn Tailgate...great work guys. Link


UP ON THE CAPSTONE
Sung to the tune of “Up on the Rooftop,” a timeless Christmas ditty.

Up on the Capstone Aubie’s paws
Scribbled Shula’s Severance Clause!
Down thru the season with lots of moans
All for the little ones - ICE CREAM CONES!!!!!!

Ho, ho, ho!
Five in a row!
Ho, ho, ho!
Row Tahd Row???
Up on the Capstone
Click, clack, click
Bambi’s a duckin’
To avoid a brick!

First four fingers, was Tubs that dumb,
To taunt Alabama with his thumb?
Plans for revenge UA did hatch,
But their O-Line stinks. “Pew! Light a match!”

Ho, ho, ho!
Five in a row!
Ho, ho, ho!
Row Tahd Row???
Up on the Capstone
Clack, click, clack
Wilson and Shula
Have both been sacked!

Mal dug out his big checkbook
To find a coach that he could hook.
”No!” said Stevie, as did Nick,
Rich did too, Now he’s a dick?

Ho, ho, ho!
Five in a row!
Ho, ho, ho!
Row Tahd Row???
Watch the program
Down the hole!
”Enjoy your
In-de-pen-dence Bowl!”


War Eagle!

I came here to get the BCS fixed, don’t tell me it works! (Scott)

Everyone is always spouting his or her thoughts on the BCS, so I know you’re thinking, “Great, now I get to read this idiot’s opinion.” First, who are you calling an idiot? Second, my opinion is distinct because I think it has always “worked.”

We have the BCS to create a championship game. Before the BCS the top 3 or 4 teams in the country would always play someone else, which was in some ways more exciting and in some ways less. Either way, a championship game is what we wanted, and a championship game is what we have been given. What I think is funny is almost each year the BCS formula gets “fixed” as if it was broken, when it has done exactly what we wanted it to do.

Take this year: only one undefeated team from a major conference and two solid one loss teams to choose from. It’s a tough decision so we have a formula that does it for us. In 2003-04, USC was ranked 1^st; however, it was left out of the BCS championship game. They complained about it to no end, and then maintained that they had won the Championship so adamantly that most people have since forgotten that LSU actually won the BCS championship that year. The complaint was that Oklahoma had lost their conference championship, and thus did not deserve to win. However they still went undefeated in the regular season and had more wins than USC that year. There were three really good one loss teams. Sure they loss their conference championship game, but USC didn’t even have to play a championship game (the PAC-10 has since remedied that by having each team play each other in the regular season). There were three legitimate one-loss teams to choose from, and again the BCS formula came in and made the decision for us.

2004-05 was different. This year Michigan should not be able to complain because if they had beaten Ohio State once, they would not need to play them again. In 2003 if USC had won all of its games they would not have had to convince the nation they won the national title even though they did not. In 2004-05 Auburn did everything they could. They made it through a tough schedule winning dominantly. However, so did Oklahoma and Southern Cal. I was not happy with the results, but the BCS did its job and picked 2 teams.

These are just a few recent examples but there are more that I will not go into (98-99, 00-01, 01-02 seasons). The fact is the nation title in college football is little more than a myth. A group of you and your friends could get together and decide to name a national champion each year, and it would have as much validity as the Associated Press Poll, the Coach’s Poll, or the Harris Poll. All the BCS does is use a formula to determine the two highest ranked teams and pit them against each other. It has yet to fail in that regard because it defines how it will rank them. Each year people say that the formula needs to be tweaked, but essentially it’s just reshuffling the same deck of cards. Every year that the BCS has wrecked “havoc” a different formula would have wrecked the same havoc just with possibly different teams. An undefeated team was getting left out of the Orange Bowl in 2005 no matter what.

A playoff fixes this, but at a cost that must be acknowledged. College football has the best regular season in American sports, because there is virtually no post-season; every game matters. This is important because the NFL has better football every Sunday. Professional athletes are much better, the league is much better managed, even the refs are much better. The NFL has a great playoff, and that is when I get more excited about it. I don’t get that emotional about a regular season game, because in the back of my mind I know, one loss does not really matter now, it’s not the playoffs yet.

That is what makes the NCAA football season better than the NFL’s. Each game matters, each game is invested with emotion. If you take that away, I’m not as happy when my team wins, and I’m not as sad when they lose. Essentially I am watching a game of football emotionally detached, and if I am going to do that, give me the NFL where defensive linemen run 4.5 forties, my stadium seats have backs on them, and the referees don’t blow games.

Many people understand this and still want a playoff. The prospect of a true National Champion is worth diminishing the regular season. What do I think? I said earlier there are too many opinions on television and the internet so I won’t clutter it up with one more. I just want you to understand the trade-off, when you criticize the BCS or call for a playoff.

I thought this was funny. Here is the link.

"All across the SEC, fans are crying. That's because Mike Shula is no longer the football coach of the University of Alabama.

This is all the more surprising because 11 of the 12 fan bases in the SEC were fervent Shula supporters. Why? Because Shula had redefined the field goal kicking legacy at Alabama. There was talk that soon the Lou Groza Award was going to be renamed in Shula's honor. Now that's completely out the window. So sad.

Hey Mike -- bring back the Bear on your way out! (Getty Images)

Gone will be the steely-eyed indecision, the clenched-jaw before reckless handoffs into the center of the line, the fetal position as the preferred method to keep from fumbling, and the coach who you knew, no matter what, would find a way to lose each game that he trailed in the fourth quarter.

Some people say that reliability is a thing of the past. I say that's balderdash. There was no surer bet than Mike Shula losing when he trailed in the fourth quarter.

The guys behind keepmikeshula.com are, predictably, in mourning. Even though the site isn't draped with pixelated black bunting, it should be. Here is part of their advice on how to cope:

"Perhaps you feel that the Bear isn't listening -- that often your cries for help seem to be unheeded. Your heart echoes the cries of despair and desolation of the ghosts of Bama past, who kept calling out to Bear for deliverance. Remember that that Bear answered them, sometimes in unexpected ways, and not always while sober. Sometimes, of course, you are meant to raise your crimson shaker and mix up a fresh George Dickel your own damn self!"

It's readily apparent that Alabama fans have reacted to Shula's dismissal with characteristic rationality and the complete and utter modesty for which they have attained universal renown. The search for Shula's replacement has already commenced and rumors run rampant on the message boards as to who the new coach will be. Everyone has an inside source, a friend with connections, each message board poster is eternally the third cousin twice-removed of the guy who pilots the university plane.

Thanks to my newfound SEC street cred over the DDT, I was able to get a list of the top 11 candidates that the Alabama search committee has vetted along with their notes analyzing the pros and cons of each candidate. I have changed nothing from this list and replicate it forthwith for your own perusal:

1. Bear Bryant -- Pros: Won 14 million national championships and once wrestled a bear. Cons: Is currently still dead (confirm?).

2. Jesus Christ -- Pros: Once rose from the dead, ergo long hours are not going to be an issue. Healed the sick, made fish for thousands, and other miracles. Plus, He has been crucified so being burned in effigy after He loses to Auburn for the sixth consecutive year will not be a big deal. Cons: There have been suggestions that He gets the benefit of the doubt because of who His father is. And we've been through that already.

3. Bear Bryant -- Pros: Won 14 million national championships and once wrestled a bear. Cons: After diligent inquiry, body exhumation and shock treatment to remains, sadly, the Bear remains dead.

4. Moses -- Pros: Pretty strong disciplinarian. Was involved in the Ten Commandments. Cons: Rigid adherence to the Ten Commandments makes recruiting harder. Also, he has a beard. The Bear did not have a beard.

5. Shelley Meyer -- Pros: Is rumored to be the brains behind Florida coach Urban Meyer. This could help us in recruiting by dividing the Meyer family. Plus, since we passed on hiring a black coach, it would be quite a splash to hire football's first female coach. We'd be like that school that hired Goldie Hawn. And we all know how good Wesley Snipes ended up playing for her. Cons: Is a woman. The Bear was not a woman.

6. Bill Belichick -- Pros: Supposedly this Super Bowl is sort of a big deal. He's won three of them. Cons: Bear Bryant would have won, conservatively, 33 million Super Bowls if he had coached in the NFL.

7. Tim Tebow -- Pros: Player-managers have been successful in baseball, why not a scholarship athlete-coach? We'd be revolutionary. The football equivalent of the electric toothbrush. Cons: Tim Tebow doesn't like us.

8. Ed Orgeron -- Pros: Almost as unintelligible as the Bear when he speaks. Cons: Could be charged with several felonies on any given Saturday.

9. That coach from the Friday Night Lights television show -- Pros: Proves to everyone that Alabama can think outside the box (and inside the teletube box, too). That we're able to adapt to new paradigms. That we understand the long tail and how it impacts the rapidity of globalization. (Insert other new-agey business terms here to sound smart for media.) Cons: Football games aren't won with newfangled contraptions like the video cassette recorder or helmets. Everyone knows they're won with houndstooth hats.

10. Tom Berenger -- Pros: Actually played the Bear in a recent movie and is still alive. Also played Jake Taylor in Major League so he knows the importance of turning a losing team around. Cons: Is currently slated to star in the movie The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey. Everyone knows there has only ever been one Christmas Miracle and we aren't even willing to hire Jesus. How would the boosters react?"

The Devil and the Bear

Note: This is written in good fun and is only meant to be funny. Please do not take this seriously. It is my sincere hope that the Bear is indeed in heaven.

On Sunday, Decatur Daily writer Bradley Handwerger wrote an article on the 2006 Iron Bowl. In it was this quote:

"Somewhere in heaven, Paul "Bear" Bryant" must have sat in shock."

It made me laugh. While I'm sure the Bear was in shock, I chuckled at the fact that Handwerger assumed he was in heaven. I cant in fact say that he is not because, well, Im not God. But every account of the Bear I've ever heard stated that even though he was a winner, he was an alcoholic, and not overly friendly. It is common knowledge the he usually had a bottle of Jack in his hand. With that in mind, I have come to the conclusion that Mr Bryant sold his soul to the devil, in exchange for success and championships while at UA. Here is how I think it all went down.

The devil was sitting on top of a rock outside his trailer (in Northport, AL, just outside Tuscalooser) brainstorming on how to gain more support. He brushes over hypnotics, brainwashing, and subliminal messages and agrees that while those might work on a few people, he wanted something that would sweep the area and win him countless number of idiot souls.

Then all of the sudden, a drunk carrying a bottle of Jack and wearing an ugly checkered hat is tumbles into his backyard after running into his clothesline, which his cape was drying on. Another man falling into my alcohol trap, it never fails he thought to himself. After some swift kicks to the head, the man came to. He sat up and looked around and realized who sat in front of him.

"You're. . .y-you're the - !"

"Devil. Yep, thats right. From the look of it, this won't be the last time we meet."

The two conversed for a minute, then Paul had a brilliant idea.

"I have a proposition. Right now, I'm an OK coach, but I want to be great. So great, that people worship me and form a cult in my honor. I want to win championships, cheat and get away with it, and have people dress like me and tattoo pictures of me on their entire back. So, if you can give me these things, you can have my soul."

Now the devil knew that he already had this man's soul. But he envisioned greater things. He thought of all the people who would worship this man, and want to know him and act like him. He knew then he could use this man to gain a large number of souls. The devil of course, would not reveal his plan to Bryant. So he just played along.

"You know what, I think I can do all of those things for you," the devil replied smugly. "Just know when you shake my hand, it is done for good."

The Bear instantly grabbed his hand and shook it rigorously in excitement. "Hell Yeah!" he said. "I'm gonna be the greatest coach in Bama history!"

So as promised, the devil delivered. Bama won many games and 6 championships under the Bear. He created a following so large, that many of those who idolized the Bear passed on this idiotic obsession to their kids and friends, who weren't even alive when it all happened. Many of these didn't even attend the University of Alabama. The devil ended up getting even more souls than he bargained for. Still to this day he wins souls for his cause thanks to the dead drunk. As it turns out, when the Bear died, he didn't even take Bryant's soul. After it was rejected from Heaven, he figured by leaving it in Tuscalooser, it would float around and permeate the place, winning even more souls after people could feel the spirit of the Bear.

Down the road, Auburn people cant help but laugh at the obsession about the Bear and how many people think he is still alive. They know they will never return to the store bought glory that they had experienced.

A few years back, a man named Tommy took the job as the coach at Auburn. God came to him as he slept.

"Tommy, wake up," God called.

"Is that you God?" answered Tommy, as he knew the Lord well.

"Yes, good and faithful servant. I want you to know that I have put you here to defeat Bama. The Bear made a deal with the devil in the past, and I want you to rectify the situation. Everyone knows I'm an Auburn fan, thats why the sun is orange and the sky is blue. I could have prevented the devil to give Bama success, but I let it go so that I could punish them, and let the world see that Auburn is better. Now is that time. Go and share the good news by winning, recruiting, and dominating Bama."

"I will go, Lord. Thank you for choosing me. I promise to glorify you with every win or loss. I will plant your seed in all of my players hearts, making sure that they know that everything is for your glory."

Then God left Tommy, and so it began.

*Since making it a home-home series, Auburn leads 10-2. War Eagle!

On Bama's Fans

Apparently an anonymous Bama student wrote this after being in the student section yesterday.

"The Alabama Student Section at the 2006 Iron Bowl was so rude and classless, I was embarrassed to be wearing my Alabama shirt. College guys were flicking off kids and cursing at them b/c they were just being kids and yelling "War Eagle". The college guys were acting more like children than the actual kids. A guy looked at my sister and said, "They're all b******s!" He said that b/c she was with her husband who is an Auburn fan. How much more classless can you get? I attend the University of Alabama, but I'm not so sure that I'm an actual fan anymore. I have been to many other college football games and I have never seen what I saw Saturday. When the Auburn players' names were called out, Alabama students proceeded to say, "You suck!" after every name. I have never heard that at ANY football game I've ever been to. I hate to say it, but I'm glad Auburn won b/c their fans have a little more class than ANY Alabama fan I've ever met. I have no respect for the Alabama Student section as a whole now. I know that every single college student at Alabama did not act like this Saturday, but for the most part, the student section was an embarrassment."

I have heard quite a few stories about how classless they were. Here is another. Its great to be an Auburn Tiger.

Two Thumbs Up

*Insert token thumb idiom here*

Thumb War, One for the Thumb, Thumbtastic, Thumbs Up, Rule of Thumb, Thumbellina. . . you name it, we will see it in tomorrow's papers.

First of all, WAR DAMN EAGLE! Five in a row is pretty sweet. I was thinking the other day about how I hated that we had gotten so used to dominating Bama. I thought how much it will suck if we ever lose to them again, but i knew it wouldn't be for a while. I was right. For that reason, I think its a good time to go ahead and add "Jordan-Hare West Wing" as the new name of Bama's stadium, because we own it. 6-0 at an opposing teams home turf is redonkulous. Also, Tommy Tuberville Field @ Bryant Denny will suffice. As long as it shows that Aubunr has home field advantage whenever they come. The Auburn football team actually walked out onto the field 1st, which is usually when the home team walks out. How appropriate.

Random thoughts on the game:

I have no clue how they kept CT's hamstring injury on Wed a secret, but I heard/read nothing of it.

Quentin Groves. What a great game. He might as well have been wearing number 75 in Bama's eyes. 2 sacks, 2 forced fumbles. Awesome. Look for him to be SEC Defensive player of the week.

Will Herring was all over the field. That was the first time Id seen him play that well at the LB spot. While he has been good, tonight he was great. What a way to break the consecutive start record.

Kenny had a great game, along with Brad Lester. Brad is special. He runs with some much passion.

Prechae-te It. Thank you Mr. Rodriguez for remembering how to catch.

Cox's number werent anything near decent. They arent as indicative as to how well he played. He managed the game well, eliminated last week's mistakes, and had several clutch throws. Ill take clutch vs. Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson's 2 fumbles and better numbers. However, Wilson is a good QB. Watch out for him next year.

Tristan Davis played well in Eric Brock's stead. Once again, he is electric on KO returns and he made some big hits.

Tray Blackmon also had some big hits. He definitely has a nose for the ball.

Apparently some Bama students were as classless as Terrence Jones. They threw water bottles on the field at our players after the game, and Jones hit Lester/Cox while in their Victory formation. I guess Id wanna hit them too if i never win.

On another note, Kodi Burn's commitment to Auburn is huge. This kid excites me. Ive seen his highlight videos and i watched a video fo him talking about his commitment. He seems very intelligent and very committed to Auburn. This kid will be our next starter in 2008. He will reshirt next year, and will challenge Caudle for the job . I just dont think Caudle or Ensminger have what it takes. Burns is a combination of Jason Campbell and Dameyeune Craig. I expect big things from him. He has a strong arm, and he can run like Vick. Auburn already has 19 in its' recruiting class and its not even recruiting season yet. For anyone interested here is a highlight real and here is his interview

Ouch (Scott)

I said this to my roommate as we walked to the game Saturday morning: “Georgia is a scary team, because Auburn always plays to the perceived talent of our opponent. When we played LSU we knew they were good so we came out and played amazing defense. When we played Ole Miss, Auburn knew they were not good, so we came out and didn’t play well, but good enough to win. When we played Arkansas, Auburn thought they were not good, only Arkansas was very good, and we got beat very badly. Georgia has played below their talent all year long, so their perceived talent is very low, but they still have a lot of actual talent on their team.”

I am not claiming to have called the Georgia upset - I still thought Auburn would win. It turns out this theory of perceived talent was right instead.

It’s the reason I’m a bad student, the Auburn coaching staff were bad coaches, and the UGA coaching staff came away with a much needed upset. Homework. Like myself, the Auburn coaches had not done their homework, and Mark Richt’s team studied like that kid who always sets the curve too high in your hardest class. When Tray Blackmon was lined up to blitz the outside and Dede was covering a back or tight end running outside, Georgia’s offensive coordinator and Mathew Stafford knew that Stafford could run right up the middle.

South Carolina torched Auburn by having their quarterback run the ball when we committed too much to the blitz. The funny part is that while South Carolina’s Syvelle Newton is ridiculously fast, there is no way that Stafford runs 40 yards under 5 seconds, and I’m giving him a running start. The Georgia coaches knew that even though their quarterback wouldn’t win the 100 meter dash at the Special Olympics he would still be able to get a first down on us on some of the most critical downs. They knew what our screen passes looked like, they knew how to exploit our pass protection, they knew our team.

I have not seen much of Georgia this year. I don’t think our coaches have either. Jonathon Wilhite, David Irons, and Jerraud Powers were each outright beaten by the receivers they were covering. Georgia was able to isolate our corners and make play at will. Maybe the secondary missed Eric Brock more than anyone thought they would have (he is probably our best player in the secondary), but our pass coverage was terrible. Our blitzes were either picked up or badly exposed to run up the middle. There is a time for fancy blitzes, but when they do not work, that is the time to give up on sending extra pass rushers.

Homework or no homework, Brandon Cox was making it tough on Auburn too.

Gotta love it

The guys at theauburner never cease to amaze me. Check out their shirts. Good stuff.

Low, even for Bama

This article, written by a Bammer, is pretty ridiculous. The jist of it says: Kick Miss St. out of the SEC, bring in Memphis or Southern Miss. Translated into Bammer speak: Waaaaaaaaah, mommy, Miss St. hit me and made me look like a bunch of little girls. Give them a spanking...Waahhhhhhhh!!

All I have to say is wow. But, if I think on it, it's not that surprising. Bama fans are forced to come up with new ways to deal with inferiority. If the SEC kicks anyone out, it should be the Red Ripple. They are the ones "embarrassing" the conference with their pay for play tactics and booster shenanigans (mind you we have our own booster problems, but paying players isn't quite the same as trying to hire another coach). Face it Bama. You are a lower to mid tier SEC team who got your butts handed to you on Saturday by a pretty talented football team. Just ask Randy Kennedy What I saw, was an O-line that gave Michael Henig plenty of time to throw, and a D-line that gave JP Wilson none. I saw a talented freshman tailback make some big runs (hint, he wasnt wearing crimson). Not to mention the poor coaching and preparation by the UA staff. All Miss St. and Sly Croom lack are a few more big recruits, and a little more consistency and they will be competitive.

In other news, the BCS is still gay. We win by the largest margin of any top 7 team, and we get jumped by Texas. Florida who narrowly beat Vandy and lost to Auburn, remains #4. Im gonna go ahead and call Rutgers beating Louisville. Also, it will be hard pressed to get a Tennessee victory over Arkansas but it can happen. I really thoght USC was gonna do it and I was crushed when Arkansas intercepted them on their game winning drive. Blake Mitchell played well and Sidney Rice made some unbelievable catches. The Hogs are a good football team though. I wasnt surprised to see Mustain struggle. Darren McFadden single handedly won the game against us.

Our game, went for the most part, well. They were sloppy, but the D played much better. John Vaughn for Heisman, or Lou Groza. He deserves it. Ben Tate continues to impress me. The guy can outrun or plow through a defender. He's gonna be an All American. CT looked great, and Lee Guess had a great catch and run. Anyway thats all for now. War Eagle! Go Vols! Go Knights!

Goodbye and Thanks (Scott)

(Warning: the following article contains pathos and cheesiness uncharacteristic of its author specifically the fourth and sixth paragraphs)

My favorite member of the Auburn football staff is retiring this Saturday. It’s not a coach, an administrator, a chaplain, or even a ball boy. Tiger also known as War Eagle VI is retiring from his duties as the official War Eagle. She has witnessed 247 games, 2 undefeated seasons, and 4 SEC titles. Of course she has also seen teams on probation, coaching scandals, and 3 losing seasons. Her record is officially 174-69-4, but she doesn’t know what a win or loss is. The eagle is at every game regardless of the team’s performance, and I think that represents an ideal of Auburn spirit. When we see her flying around the stadium with thousands of fans cheering you see potential.

A paper covered tree on Toomer’s Corner celebrates the past. Auburn won, and the Auburn family celebrated. The few moments where the eagle flies around the stadium celebrates the future, the sixty minutes of fighting coming up. We don’t know if Auburn will win or lose, and those feelings of anticipation for the unknown give every Auburn fan chills as he or she watches the eagle circle the stadium.

Take our across-the-state “friends” at Alabama. They will probably finish their season with a 2-6 SEC record (their two wins being 3 point wins against Vanderbilt and Ole Miss), and an embarrassing fifth strait loss to Auburn. They upgraded their stadium just in time for 92,138 fans to see their storied Crimson Tide to lose to Mississippi State. There is more dread than hope in the eyes of Alabama fans as they looks to the program’s future. Though many Auburn fans can be extremely cynical, deep down there is always hope, and a few weeks out of the year that hope can been seen, heard, and felt as a Golden Eagle circles a stadium of screaming fans.

A line from one of my favorite movies says that “hope is a good, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” As 26 year old Tiger steps down as War Eagle VI, 6 year old Nova steps up as War Eagle VII, and the tradition of hope continues. While no one can definitively determine how the War Eagle tradition started, every fan can confidently believe that the tradition will last as long as Auburn University exists.

The pre-game flight is easily the greatest college football tradition, the midnight yell at Texas A&M or dotting the “i” at Ohio State, may be treasured by Aggies and Buckeyes, but they don’t compare to the inevitable, euphoric feeling that accompanies the War Eagle’s flight. Furthermore, I take utter delight at confusing sports show hosts, by being the Tigers, having tiger mascot named Aubie, having an eagle called Tiger, yelling “War Eagle,” and calling our students Plainsmen.

The latest Tiger has represented Auburn in the Olympics, survived cancer, and is part of a program that teaches thousands of children at the Southeastern Raptor Center each year. Be sure to be at the game early enough this Saturday to see the ceremony retiring her from being an official icon of Auburn, as the bird gets older and moves closer to its dying years. While animals lack that spiritual essence in humanity that I call a soul, Tiger has been the soul of the collective Auburn family for 21 years.

Dear BCS (by Scott)

Dear BCS,

I don’t really know how to say this, but I think it’s time to call it quits. I don’t think I could get through this in person, so I hope you’ll accept this letter.

I know what you’re thinking: “We’ve been through some rough years, but we’ve always come out of it together.” That’s true, but I’ve never really forgiven you for 2004. I know it wasn’t easy for you either, but I was the one who really came out hurt when you took USC and Oklahoma to the big dance. To be honest, I have never forgiven you for that, and I can’t trust someone I don’t forgive, and I can’t be with someone I don’t trust.

Bowl Championship Series, every year you try to turn over a new leaf, and ever year you promise to change. Sure, you’re a little different than we when we first met; you’ll just never be the championship series I thought you could be. My expectations are too high. I promise it’s not you – it’s me.

I think you have done a great job this year, and there is nothing you could have done differently that would have changed my mind. I just know that the more I love you, the more I’m making myself vulnerable, and I don’t want to get hurt again.

Just so you don’t ask, there isn’t another national championship that I am seeing. I am not secretly dreaming of a big play-off to come and carry me off, and I don’t think any less of you for losing the AP poll. In fact, I think you’re better off without it. To be honest, I will admit that lately I have been having a lot fun with the SEC Championship. He doesn’t have a big head like you, and I just don’t feel jealous like I do around you. I know it isn’t fair of me to feel this way, but I have just always been jealous of your relationship with some of the so-called national powerhouses. Anyway, he sees teams for who they are.

Don’t be sad that I won’t be pining after you anymore. You’ll get through this just fine. There are thousands of better fans than me who will long after you better than I ever did. It’s not like you won’t see me again. Anytime you want to meet up in January, give me a call; I will be happy to go out with you, but just as friends.

With much regret,

Scott Looney

South Park SEC coaches

How do they think of this stuff?

If you havent checked out theauburner.com, you should. these guys are hilarious and i have no idea how they think these things up. This is a very funny post about the BCS and high school drama movies.
Read it.

Thanks Maisel

Since the beginning of the season ESPN's Ivan Maisel has believed in Auburn. He predicted they would play for the National Championship before the season started, and still projects them to. At least someone believes in us. Granted it may not happen, but we can all hope. We just need a little help from Arkansas, Louisville, and West Virginia. Rutgers can help us out by beating the winner of this Thursday's WVU-Louisville matchup. Texas probably needs to lose too. Anyway, here are Maisel's projections.

BCSucks

Auburn's 23-17 win this weekend was just that, a WIN. Ill take 3 more just like it. While many have viewed the game as lackluster or unimpressive, I was pretty pleased. The score is not indicative of how well Auburn played. As i watched the game, I wrote down some things I felt worth mentioning:

The poor excuse for commentators known as the 3 headed Dave, did not disappoint. The were just as bad, if not worse than ever. At one point Dave Rowe called CT "courtney cox" (which also happens to be a shirt). He also described the running of Ole Miss RB BenJarvus Green Ellis as "he is a north south runner, that means he runs straight ahead". I had no clue thats what north-south meant. WOW.

Auburn's defense, aside from Tray Blackmon, just cannot tackle. Everyone is just running around slamming into the ball carrier, and they just bounce off of them.

I think the "O" in Coach O should stand for ogre, because that's exactly what he looks and sounds like. His voice is deeper than Michael Clarke Duncan's (John Coffey in The Green Mile).

Tristan Davis need to have the ball in his hands more often. Period.

John Vaughn = money.
Auburn doubled Ole miss in every statistical category. The only reasons the score looked as bad as it did were penalties, and the 2 turnovers, which Ole Miss turned into points thanks to the penalties. We ran 75 plays vs 45 from Ole Miss. TOP was AU 37:00 to their 23:00. That's pretty good.

Cox, Irons, and CT all had great days. The offense played extremely well and the defense played OK.

Moving along to the worst championship system ever created, Auburn drops to #6, even after USC lost to OSU. Florida, which Auburn beat without an offensive touchdown and most recently beat an impressive (not) Georgia team, jumped ahead. I guess moving everyone up as they were would make way too much sense, so they say to themselves, hey we should flip flop Auburn and Florida, even though Auburn beat them and has a better record (8-1 vs. 7-1). Maybe they wanted to keep us guessing. Congrats, mission accomplished. This whole system just pisses me off. The whole concept of letting other people and computers decide who is the #1 is just ridiculous. The players should decide it on the field, in a playoff; which happens to be the system that EVERY other NCAA sport uses. Also, so do the NFL, NHL, MLB etc. Style points are also gay. I don't think I need to say anything more about it. Everyone knows it. They are about as cool as Chad Johnson's hair.

I guess that's all for now. War Eagle!

I only know two things (written by Scott)

I told one of my good friends (Scott) and fellow lover of Auburn about my blog, and told him it'd be great if he wanted to post. He and I discuss the games weekly and I always enjoy what he has to say. He is a sharp, funny guy who knows a lot about Auburn and football in general. Actually, he knows a lot about just about everything, especially the show Doug or Rocko's Modern Life. Anyway, here is what he has to say:

I really only know two things. One is that Auburn went into the locker room against Florida, trailing by 6 points and allowing over 11 yards per play. Drives that with exception to the safety on a holding penalty produced a field goal, a passing touchdown, and a rushing touchdown netting 75, 70, and 80 yards respectively. Defensively Auburn was making big plays, but far more often, Auburn was giving up big plays. The intensity was there, but so were missed tackles, open receivers, and one very large quarterback running the ball into the end zone. While staying in their base package, Muschamp was often sending a linebacker (often Tray Blackmon) to the line of scrimmage for extra pass rushing, but this was leaving strong safety Eric Brock key player in the run support, and in the first half the keys just weren’t fitting. When switching to nickel formations nickel back Patrick Lee couldn’t keep up with a receiver who was open for what should have been a Gators touchdown if not for Blackmon making Leak a little too nervous in the pocket. Not long after it was a touchdown as a slightly under-thrown ball was snatched by Dallas Baker over Jonathon Wilhite who could have easily made the tip if he had only known where the ball was.

The second thing I know is that Auburn came out with the best defense it has played all season. Six Florida plays later and Tre Smith is somersaulting into the end zone. The only drive over 20 yards for Florida in the second half ended in a Chris Leak fumble.

After the game ESPN analyst Desmond Howard asked Karibi Dede what half-time adjustments were made? Howard didn’t believe Groves when he said their defensive game plan didn’t change. All Groves admitted was that Tuberville challenged the players. Tuberville said, “That’s the first time one of my half-time talks worked.” The defensive schemes seemed to be the same, but missed tackles turned into sacks and tackles for loss. Unaware coverage turned into interceptions. The X’s and O’s looked the same, but the players looked different.

While Tuberville later said that the effects of his speech were “overrated,” but the opinions of the players and the effects on field seem to contradict that. Eric Brock said, “Coach Tuberville was just brutally honest, I think we needed to hear that. As the head coach he realizes that. I appreciate Coach getting after us and telling us how he feels about our effort and our play. He challenged us and it worked for us there.”

In the past Tuberville has not been one to get mad. If you’ve never seen a coach really mad check out this clip of Dennis Green after his teams Monday Night Football collapse. Thankfully Tuberville will never go crazy like soon-to-lose-his-job Green, but I have always wanted to know what kind of locker room presence Coach Tubs has. All I know is that he challenged several players by name, called their manhood into question, and made some strange remarks described by on player: “One of the last things he said - it was along these lines - that if we were defending this country, we wouldn't stand a chance. We weren't being tough. As players, it's funny looking back but at the time, we were like: `Wow.' After that, the intensity was totally different.”

Because I will never know what Tuberville might have angrily said, I am forced to make it up myself. While I have no way of verifying this, I am merely thinking of what I’ve heard Tommy say before, what was situationally logical, and try to piece together what it must have been like.

After a minute of silence, Tommy Tuberville clears his throat and addresses his team, “Boys, I can’t address you as men because you are acing like a bunch of kids. My kids and I enjoy the fine taste of Bryan Meats. My wife enjoys Bryan Meats as well; you must also be acting like women. My family and I discovered Bryan Meats a long time ago, and still enjoy its delicious taste today!

“I’ve said many times how hard it is to make it through the SEC undefeated. Shoot that’s why we lost to Arkansas last week. If you don’t come out like a rolling ball of butcher knives, Florida could go undefeated and I’d look like an idiot. Just picture a rolling ball of butcher knives and what that must look like. I actually have no idea what that means, but I think it must look something like Kenny Irons running into the end zone just to get his hands on the bag of Golden Flake Potato Chips I was waving in his face. If only our defense could have that intensity. Groves, you don’t look like you’re running after a bag of Golden Flake!!! Coach Muschamp bring me a bag of Golden Flake … what’s that Will? Borges and Nall all ready ate them?

“Just think about these two words out there on the field. Don’t over-think the play; just remember these two words: Click-Clack! Click-Clack! Can you hear us coming Groves? Can you hear us coming Wilhite? Click-Clack! Can you hear us coming Johnson?

“Think about this: if you guys were defending this country we wouldn’t stand a chance. That may sound harsh, but if you, a group of college football players were left to defend this country my children would be lead off into captivity to never eat delicious Bryan Meats again! If you were in charge of defending this country we’d be in a precarious war thousands of miles away from America, fighting for an ambiguous cause with no foreseeable exit strategy. Oh wait.”

Then the lights would dim and the room would get kind of muggy. The players would all start to hit their pads rhythmically waiting for a riveting call and response cheer from their coach. “It’s us versus them,” the coach says confidently, as the players circle around him. “We must protect this house. WILL YOU PROTECT THIS HOUSE?”

“I will, I will”

“Under Armour!”

“Huh!”

“We must protect this house!”

The defensive squad filled with confidence runs out of the locker room onto the field. Only Coach Muschamp remains, looking scared. Tuberville puts his hand on Will’s back, looks into his eyes, and says quietly, “Click-Clack, I think they hear us coming.”

Tulane Recap

Today's game wasnt as amazing as last week's (obviously) while we didnt look extremely sharp, it wasnt as bad as the Buffalo game. Here are some brief thoughts on what I saw.

-The defense once again maintained its' "bend but not break" level of play. Quentin Groves continued his great play from last week with two sacks. We had two or three huge redzone turnovers. We also dropped two or three interceptions, one of which i recall being right in the defenders hands. Our run defense needs to get better quick. Tulane racked up 389 yards. That is pretty bad. Especially considering LSU, Florida, and Arkansas didnt gain that much on us. Tualne;s quaterback is prety good but 283 yards passing is rediculous. I know most of the 2nd and 3rd stringers were playing, but our secondary has been lit up this year. We also allowed over 100 yards rushing. Again, backups played, but they should have allowed that many. Where is the tackling? It seems that everyone is running around diving like they are playing NCAA 07 and hitting the sqaure button instead of breaking down and tackling. The D missed several tackles this way. Tualne ran a draw play form the shotgun about 37 times and got several yards almost everytime, and we never caught on. We need to be more consistent.

-Tray Blackmon is a missle. I really enjoy watching him play. I can't wait to see how good he is once he learns where to line up. On one third down play, I watched Tray line up and show blitz, and i was sure that Lester Ricard probly began soiling his pants, and preceeded to fumble the ball to us before Tray could lay him out.

-I really like Ben Tate. He is a big guy, with speed and he hits the hole quick. He kinda reminds me of Bo. Kenny sat out today, trying to get some nagging injuries healed up, and after Brad Lester played the first two or three possesions, Tate carried most of the load, occasionally being spelled by Tre' Smith. He ended up with 156 yards on 26 carries (a nice 6 yard avg.). He is gonna be a bad ass in the coming seasons.

-Tre' Smith...one minute you love him, the next you never wanna see him touch the ball. He came up big for us last week with the returned blocked punt for TD. Today, he had a few nice runs, and a great TD catch, but he dropped a wide open sure TD catch. There was no defender within 10 yards of him. I was glad for him that he had a good day though.

-Cox had a great day, going 16/19 for 212 yds and 3 TDs. Three passing TDs for this team is pretty good, even if it waas against Tulane, because we dont throw that much. I like seeing us throw the ball down the field a little. It seems we always throw safe short passes which isnt always bad, but it is nice to give defenses something to think about. Tommy Trott, Tre', and CT all had long TD catches. Believe it or not, that was CT's 1st TD catch of the year. He had a nice run after the catch to get the score. You could tell he wanted to get in.

-Tristan Davis is a threat anytime he touches the ball. He had a 53 yd return to open the 2nd half. He is just inches away from taking one to the house. I think they need to put him at punt return. I love the way he picks one hole and hits it. No dancing or hesitation.

-Kody Bliss can freaking kick the ball. He booted one for a whopping 71 yards. I was disappointed (Im sure he was too) that the gunners couldnt get to it in time to down it at the one. It sure was an amazing kick though, and a net yardage of 51 aint shabby. He also downed one inside the 5 later on.

-John Vaughn has been money this year. I think he is something like 14/17 on the year. Solid. Also, Matt Clark can boot the ball too. AUburn kicked off 6 times, 6 touchbacks. That is a big advantage. The special teams this year has been great. They almost blocked a punt today too. Kudos to Gran.

-This Auburn offense isnt flashy, but when it has the ball, it has it for a long time. This offense is not about scoring on 80 yard pass/run plays. They take the ball at the 10 and marches down the field eating up 8 minutes off the clock, and most of the time, they come away with points. To me, that's invaluable. I think we have the ablity to score quick, but we rarely need to. They wear down the defense and keep the opposing offense out of the game.

-For those of you who havent seen, the student section has started something called "Throw it Out" and it is pretty damn funny. Whenever the opposing team kicks a field goal or PAT at them, they throw it to the top of the stadium, and then over the top. They did it to Florida twice last week, and once this week. Personally, I like it.

-Tub called off the dogs as the clock ran out. They couldve punched in another score to make it 45-13 but Tubs has never been a fan of running up the score. While, I like how he does things, we couldve used the "style points" (which I think are stupid, but its how the system is (which is also stupid)) for the BCS rankings. Id like to believe that we will remain at No. 4 in the BCS rankings, I dont think it will happen. Our schedule strenth only gets weaker from last week on. While we still have Georgia and Bama, neither look to give us a huge boost (assuming we win). Georgia is fresh of an embarassing win over Miss St. which followed an even worse looking loss to Vandy.

-On another note, Arkansas looked good today, from the little that I saw. They returned the opening kickoff 100 yds to give them a 7-0 lead 18 seconds into the 1st quarter. Darren McFadden and Felix Jones are pretty good. Just ask the Auburn defense. We need them to lose 2 games, our best bet being Tennessee and LSU, but somehting tells me they wont go down without a hard fight.

Well thats all I have from the Too Lame game. Any feedback you wanna leave would be great. Look for a Rankings review and outlook tomorrow or Monday. War Damn Eagle! (Go Vols)

Epiphany

So I was lying in bed last night, pondering a story that I had come across amongst my lineup of Auburn news/blog sites that i visit daily. My mind then wandered to a response to the aforementioned story. I laughed to myself at how incredibly idiotic the story was, and how much i enjoyed reading this hilarious rebuttle. The more i thought about it, and my love for all things Auburn, the more clear it become how much i wanted to start a blog of my own. I am always predicting and analyzing with my fraternity brothers, family, co-workers, etc. so I figured this would be a good way to combine it all into one, you know eliminate the middle man. But who am I kidding? The day I only discuss Auburn and how much I love it once per day, will be the day when "The Bear" comes back from the dead, and leads 'Bama to their 43rd National Championship. There is nothing i love more than talking Auburn Football or recruiting. I figured I would give this a shot and see what kind of feedback I get, and perhaps it will turn into something good. So let me know what you think. More to come real soon.

War Eagle!